We’ve helped thousands of people through divorce. As leaders in the divorce mediation field and educators at the nation’s top law schools, we’ve seen firsthand why marriages end.
We have seen it all — and we know that with the right support, many couples could stay together.
Mediation is the best way to separate when divorce is the only option. However, before it reaches that point, talking with a skilled therapist gives you the best chance to reconnect, communicate, and heal your relationship.
How Couples Therapy Improves Communication
When couples come to us for divorce mediation, they often say, “We just can’t talk anymore.” Years of hurt, misunderstanding, and feeling unheard can build defensive walls between spouses. Over time, some couples forget how to really connect. They can get stuck in a pattern where one tries to get close, and the other pulls away. Therapy gives you a safe place to break down these walls.
A good therapist helps you really hear and understand your partner’s needs, fears, and feelings. Therapy is also the best opportunity to understand your own needs and feelings. You learn new ways to say what you mean and truly listen to your partner with kindness. When you do both, your marriage can begin to heal.
The True Story of Sarah and Tom’s Almost-Divorce:
Michael’s Unexpected Mediation
Sarah and Tom looked sad and worried when they came to see me about their divorce. As we talked about their kids, it was clear they still cared about each other, but they just couldn’t talk without fighting and bringing up old wounds.
Sarah felt like Tom never listened. Tom felt like Sarah constantly criticized him. When we discussed money, conflict erupted — they argued about what each of them “deserved.” They were both really hurting and really scared.
I asked Sarah why keeping the house was important. At first, she talked about the kids, but then she mentioned the house she and Tom had bought together. She remembered how he worked extra shifts to save money while she took care of their first baby. Tom said he wished he’d been home more. They both started to cry a little. They spoke a little softer.
The next time they came, they said they had seen a marriage counselor from the list I gave them. They decided to keep working on their marriage in therapy and still go through mediation.
In the end, they came to my office, but not to sign divorce papers. They thanked me and said that mediation helped them communicate better than they had in years, and therapy was really helping. They weren’t getting divorced. While I admit this is an atypical outcome of mediation, therapy was key in helping this couple reconnect.
How Individual Therapy Can Help Your Marriage
Marriage takes two, but sometimes your own feelings and reactions can unintentionally create conflict. It’s less about fault and more about being human. Insights realized in individual therapy can positively impact your marriage and strengthen your relationship. Feeling better yourself allows you to better support healing your marriage — or at least make a clearer choice about what you want.
Individual therapy helps you understand yourself better. You may learn to use your voice more clearly, expressing what you need and want in the relationship. It can help you figure out what’s truly important to you in life and in your marriage, so you can make choices that feel right.
Therapy Helps When Life Gets Tough
Everyday life can be hard on a marriage. Big transitions happen — job changes, babies, money problems, or losing family. Sometimes there are problems like cheating, addiction, or mental health issues. Therapy can teach couples how to face these tough times together, as a team. You can learn to talk openly, solve problems together, and support each other, so these life challenges don’t crack the foundation of your relationship.
Taking Care of Your Marriage Early
Just like you visit the doctor for preventative check-ups, talking to a therapist before issues come up can help your marriage stay healthy, too. Think about those little things that bother you or the little fights you have. If you don’t talk about them, resentments can build, and they can become major problems down the road.
Going to therapy early gives you a chance to work through small issues before they turn into huge arguments. It’s like taking care of a small leak before it floods the entire house.
Therapy Can Help, Even If Divorce Might Happen
Even when people decide divorce is their best option, therapy can help. Understanding your feelings and your spouse’s perspective can make the divorce process easier. It can help you both be a bit kinder as you separate. This is especially important if you have kids. Therapy can help you learn to be good co-parents and heal after divorce.
How Therapy Makes Divorce Mediation Easier
When couples have gone to therapy first, they tend to:
- Reach their best possible agreements: They understand what’s important to each other and show more empathy.
- Talk in a kinder way during divorce meetings: This means less fighting or blaming and more working together to find solutions.
- Become better co-parents: Therapy helps spouses see each other as co-parents who both want to put the kids first.
- Have less anger and frustration: Therapy helps everyone deal with and express their feelings in a healthier way.
Therapy is a Smart First Step
Even if divorce feels like the only option right now, remember that therapy can help you gain insight and heal. Whether it’s just one of you going or both, talking with a professional can help you grow into the strongest version of yourself. It can give you tools to build a stronger relationship or move forward in a kinder way if you choose to separate.
If your marriage is having problems, reaching out to a therapist is a really valuable first step.
