My Divorce Is Already Filed: Can I Still Choose Mediation?

The Short Answer: Absolutely!

You can start mediation at any time during your divorce case, even if you have already filed papers.  

The main goal of mediation is to put you in charge of your own life. It is a smart way to make important decisions for your family without going to court. 

You Can Always Choose Mediation, Even If You’ve Started Litigation

When you go to court and start litigation, you are giving up control over your future. A judge—a person who does not know you or your family—will make the final decisions about your money and your children.  

Mediation is the complete opposite of fighting in court. It offers a private, flexible place where you and your spouse make the final decisions yourselves. After all, who knows your family better than you both?

The court system knows mediation works and actually encourages people to try it instead of going to a full trial. If you and your spouse agree to mediation, your mediator will help you tell the court by filing a simple form called a “Stipulation.” This piece of paper tells the judge to hit the pause button on your court fight so you can talk things out calmly in mediation. 

Why Switching Now Saves You Time and Money

One clear benefit of leaving court to begin mediation is getting the divorce done much faster. Fighting in court causes long delays and often takes between 10 and 11 months to finish – sometimes even taking a year or two. If you use mediation, you can usually finish everything faster, taking 2 to 4 months on average.  

Mediation is also much more affordable than going to court. When you hire lawyers, a huge payment (a retainer) is required upfront and then you’re charged hourly for everything the attorney does for your case – which can make your total fees skyrocket. A court divorce with lawyers can cost $15,000 or more per person.

In mediation with The Aurit Center, we offer a personalized flat fee for your entire mediation process. After attending a free consultation with one of our expert mediators, you and your spouse will know the entire cost of your divorce process upfront – from beginning to end. Mediation usually costs $2,000 to $3,900 per person, unless one person pays the total fee. In mediation, the fee can be divided however you decide.

The Best Long-Term Savings: Staying Out of Court 

The biggest saving from mediation is not just the money saved now, but the peace you buy for the future. When you help create your own agreement, you feel more ownership over it and are much more likely to follow the rules later on.  

Among spouses who fought in court, 36% went back to court at least one time, and 13% went back twice.  But for those who used successful mediation, only 21% went back once, and only 6% went back twice.  Mediation helps you learn how to work together as parents, which protects you from years of future stress and legal processes.  

Getting Your Mind Ready for Mediation (Even When It’s Hard)

Divorce brings up big feelings: sadness, anger, fear, and feeling unsure of yourself. Understanding these feelings, and preparing your mind, is the most important step in switching to mediation. 

You Do Not Need to Be Friends to Mediate

Many people think mediation only works if you both are “friendly”. That is not true. Mediators are trained, neutral professionals whose job is to handle conflict, and help you have a simpler process outside of court. They expect you to disagree—that’s why they are there.  

A good mediator manages the talks. They set clear rules, like no yelling or interrupting. When things get heated, the mediator steps in to help you both start focusing on the problem at hand –  like dividing assets or setting up child support.  

The Only Main Rule: Be Willing to Try

The most important thing for mediation to work is a “good-faith willingness to settle”. This means you don’t have to like each other, but you must be willing to sit down and talk about different solutions. Remember, if conversations get hard, you’re not alone. Your mediator is there to guide and support you both, every step of the way.

How Your Mediator Handles Conflict

Mediators who understand how people think (psychology) are better at handling problems like one person having more power than the other or spouses having conflict about a specific issue. Mediators at The Aurit Center are experts in understanding what families need during divorce, and how best to help spouses through challenging conversations.

Throughout the mediation process, your mediator will keep the focus on the children’s best interests. This focus is key because studies show that when parents keep fighting after the divorce is over, children often have more behavioral problems. Mediation helps protect kids from the bad long-term effects of conflict. 

Clearing Up False Ideas About Mediation

Many spouses think that once they file for divorce, the door to mediation is closed, or that their case is simply too big for it. Let’s clear up some of these common misunderstandings.

Myth 1: My Case Is Too Hard for Mediation

The idea that mediation is only for “easy” divorces—those without kids or complicated finances—is not true. In fact, cases with complex money matters, like shared businesses or tricky support plans, actually do better with mediation than in court.  

Mediation is so flexible that it lets you create special, custom solutions, like a long-term plan to buy out your spouse’s part of a business. Judges in court often have to use rigid rules and cannot make these creative, detailed agreements. As long as both people are willing to find a solution, mediation can handle almost any problem.  

Myth 2: My Lawyer Will Not Let Me Mediate

Some people worry that choosing mediation means they have to deal with everything alone, or that their lawyer will tell them not to mediate. Keep in mind, organizations like the American Bar Association (ABA) say that lawyers should always talk about all the ways to resolve a dispute.  

If your lawyer is telling you otherwise, that may raise questions as to why they wouldn’t want you to resolve things in a simpler way for your family.

After choosing mediation, many people meet with their lawyer for advice and additional guidance. Your lawyer helps you get ready for the meetings, understand your legal rights, and review the final agreements before you sign. 

Myth 3: Mediation Is a Sign of Weakness or Giving Up

Since court fighting is all about “winning,” some people think choosing mediation means you are quitting or giving up the fight.

Instead of giving up control to a judge, choosing mediation is a smart move that allows you to control the end result. Mediation is not about always having to compromise. It makes sure that the final agreement is one that you chose, not one that was forced on you. Choosing mediation is a way to take back power during a stressful time.  

Your Next Steps to Switch to Mediation

If your divorce is already filed, here are the clear steps you need to take to switch over to mediation safely.

Step 1: Schedule a Free 1-Hour Consultation

Choosing the right mediator is very important. Some mediators, like those at The Aurit Center, offer a free online consultation to meet with them and see if it’s a good fit. They will explain the process and answer any questions you may have.

Step 2: Talk to Your Current Lawyer Honestly

Your first step is to be clear with your lawyer. Tell them you want to look at other ways to resolve your case. If you choose mediation, be clear with them about what you’d like their role to be moving forward.

Step 3: Begin Mediation and Reach Agreements

Once you’re ready to begin mediation, you’ll schedule your first 2-hour meeting with your mediator. You’ll also receive an online intake form to complete during your process. In your meetings, your mediator will help you reach agreements on everything. 

Step 4: Review Documents and Get Advice

Once you and your spouse agree on all the issues, the mediator will write everything down in a final document. You both will have the option to meet with an advisor before you sign. The Aurit Center has a resource of preferred advisors that you can choose to meet with if you’d like. 

A Better Way 

Choosing mediation, even if you’ve already filed for divorce, is a good way to take charge of your future. It’s a faster, more affordable, and simpler way to handle things than going to court. Mediation helps you and your spouse make choices that are best for your family. When you work together and think about your children, mediation helps you make agreements that last. This can save you a lot of time and stress later on. 

To learn how mediation can make your divorce easier, and how you can create unique agreements that work for your family, schedule a free 1-hour online consultation for you and your spouse. An experienced mediator will cover everything you need to know to decide if mediation is right for you. Or you can choose an individual 20-minute call if you prefer to first have some of your questions answered privately.