10 Helpful Tips for an Amicable Divorce

An amicable divorce provides many benefits. It helps you and your spouse:

  • reduce stress,
  • avoid court,
  • cut legal costs, and
  • save time.

Since it is a far gentler process, it’s also a major benefit for your kids. After all, research shows that divorce itself is not directly harmful to children. Rather, it’s the conflict between parents that negatively affects their children’s well-being. By choosing an amicable divorce, parents protect their children.

This article will explain what an amicable divorce is and further describe the benefits it offers. We’ll give you 10 tips to make your divorce process less stressful for everyone involved.

What is an amicable divorce, and what are its benefits?

In an amicable divorce, both spouses agree on the terms without engaging in lengthy legal divorce proceedings. Mediation is one of the most peaceful divorce solutions available to have an amicable divorce.

Here are some of the top benefits of having an amicable divorce process:

1. Significantly reduces stress

Getting a divorce can be complicated. There are lots of details to iron out, especially when children are involved.

If not handled properly, all of the necessary arrangements can lead to difficult times for you, your spouse, and your kids.

An amicable divorce can help you achieve peace of mind because it focuses on win-win solutions that satisfy both parties’ needs.

2. Less expensive than other paths

If you take your divorce to court, there’s a high price to pay. Between hiring a divorce attorney for legal advice and paying court fees, you’ll likely spend between $5,000 and $50,000 per spouse.

You can avoid paying this amount by collaborating with your spouse. Why spend thousands of dollars on a divorce lawyer when you don’t have to? A divorce mediator can guide you and your spouse to arrive at an amicable resolution.

3. A win-win solution that benefits your children

Above all, you and your spouse both want to provide for all of your children’s needs. You can move closer to achieving this goal with a peaceful divorce.

An amicable divorce forms the basis of a positive co-parenting relationship.

A family of three spends bonding time in a garden.

Where does the process of an amicable divorce begin?

An amicable divorce is almost always an option for spouses. You can complete your entire process amicably when you:

  • Are emotionally and psychologically willing to collaborate: Spouses going through divorce often feel a variety of emotions. Although you may never feel completely “ready” to finalize the process, prioritizing your well-being is key. Practicing self-care and doing your best to consider the other’s perspective will help you both resolve things amicably.
  • Communicate sincerely and respectfully: Having open, transparent conversations with one another will help you efficiently reach agreements. Your collaboration will make it easier to discuss sensitive topics, such as child custody arrangements and property division.

By choosing an amicable divorce, you and your spouse can stay in control of your agreements and file for an uncontested divorce.

In contrast, a contested divorce in court can often create conflict between spouses. In court, a judge makes all of the final decisions. Mediation can help spouses stay out of court and have a more peaceful process, even when there are disagreements on certain issues. Learn more about the differences between uncontested and contested divorce.

Things to keep in mind for an amicable divorce

As you move along the path toward an amicable separation, keep the following in mind:

Your children’s needs are your top priority

Remember that your children will continue to rely on you and your co-parent in terms of their daily needs and overall growth. When parents have a high-conflict divorce, their children can face a greater risk of developing mental health problems. They may also struggle in their academic performance.

A child uses scissors to cut up a piece of paper in her playroom.

There is a healthier path — mediation. You and your spouse can protect your children’s short- and long-term needs by choosing an amicable process.

Focus on the future

Emotions often run high during a divorce. You and your spouse can have more efficient conversations if you focus on the future rather than aspects of your past.

Remember that your goal is to avoid court

Divorce can be emotionally exhausting. There will be times when you and your spouse find it difficult to reach agreements.

But always remember that the alternative — fighting out your divorce in court — is far more stressful and costly. This can serve as a good source of motivation when you run into challenging conversations.

The Aurit Center’s mediation services help you divorce in a healthy way that benefits you, your spouse, and your children.

10 tips for divorcing amicably

Wondering how to have an amicable separation? Here are some divorce tips that’ll help you and your spouse accomplish this:

1. Set boundaries for interactions between you and your spouse

Establish clear communication guidelines. This makes it easier to avoid arguments.

This is an image of a laptop on a table, with a cup of coffee and a flower in a vase nearby.

Make sure you agree on suitable locations and specific times for when your communication will take place.

Also, come to a consensus on modes of communication. Are text messages acceptable, or will you stick to phone calls or in-person conversation when discussing your divorce?

Many spouses feel that waiting until their mediation meetings to have sensitive discussions is the best option. The mediator’s guidance is often invaluable when there is a potential disagreement between spouses.

It’s up to both of you to decide based on your current situation.

Regardless of the communication style you choose, remember that an attitude of cooperation goes a long way.

2. Use “I” and not “You” statements

As with any conflict, spouses going through tough times tend to use “You” statements when they vent about their concerns. Typical statements in this context include “If you hadn’t said this, then I wouldn’t have said that” or “You did this when you should have done that.”

To avoid using an accusatory tone, use “I” statements instead. For instance, instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have done that,” say, “That action made me feel…”

3. Support your children throughout the process

Children can tell when their parents are upset with each other.

Rather than hiding the truth or misleading your kids, sit them down and be honest with them. Be sure to approach this conversation gently and present a united front. And above all else, assure them they’ll continue to be loved and cared for, no matter what.

4. Choose the mediation approach to divorce

A mediator, acting as a neutral guide, helps you resolve divorce disputes and discover creative solutions.

Your mediator can explain divorce and custody laws so that you understand your rights and responsibilities.

While a divorce coach usually works with one spouse, a mediator looks at the big picture and seeks win-win scenarios.

Your mediator will provide you with valuable assistance during your divorce. But there are also steps you and your spouse can take to ensure your mediation process goes smoothly. For useful tips, take a look at The Aurit Center’s comprehensive guide on preparing for divorce mediation.

5. Focus on your priorities

While you and your spouse might have disagreements, it is helpful to keep the bigger picture in mind. Doing so can make it easier for both of you to reach mutually acceptable divorce agreements.

Strong emotions may come at times. It’s helpful to focus on your priorities rather than past events or disagreements. You can achieve your shared goal of ensuring the well-being of your children and separating your assets fairly.

This is an image of a child running in a field with a kite.

Keeping your priorities in mind will help you maintain mutual respect.

6. Listen well and consider other points of view

Unproductive conversations are likely to occur when each spouse insists that their point of view is the “right” one.

It’s good to keep in mind that you both have valid opinions when it comes to your children and belongings. Even when there is some conflict, your mediator will help you keep the conversation productive and ensure both of your voices are heard.

The most beneficial thing you can do? Listen.

Considering your spouse’s perspective allows you to be open-minded and discover solutions. This paves the way for a beneficial agreement regarding your parenting plan, division of property, and all other relevant factors.

7. Be open to compromising

Of course, listening to your spouse doesn’t guarantee you’ll see eye-to-eye. This is expected in almost every divorce case. For an amicable divorce process, it is important that you are both willing to compromise.

A mediator will help you develop agreements that both of you will find fair. Schedule a free, no-obligation consultation with The Aurit Center to speak to a mediator today.

8. Consider going to counseling before, during, or after the process

Divorce is an emotional process for most spouses. Divorced spouses, especially when they engage in a combative court battle against one another, are more likely to deal with depression and can be more prone to physical health issues.

But this doesn’t have to be the case. Professional help from a counselor can give you and your co-parent the tools you need to heal before, during, and after the divorce process. This additional support often helps spouses approach the divorce in a better headspace, with the ultimate goal of reaching acceptable agreements for everyone involved.

9. Focus on finding solutions instead of placing blame

It’s easy to dwell on who’s at fault when disagreements arise. But this won’t lead to progress in your divorce. On the contrary, it can make things harder.

When you stay open-minded and focus on finding solutions, you and your spouse are more likely to have peace of mind during and after the divorce process.

10. Set aside “me time” throughout the process

Finalizing a divorce can take a toll even if you and your spouse are working in the spirit of cooperation.

A good way to maintain wellness is to take “me time” as needed.

You might visit your family and friends, indulge in a hobby, or just take a moment to quietly reflect on your thoughts.

Quality self-care allows you to refresh your mind and your energy. Taking “me time” makes you better prepared to proceed with the divorce process.

Complete your divorce amicably with The Aurit Center

Having an amicable divorce process is easier when you mentally and emotionally prepare and communicate thoughtfully. During the process, it’s crucial that you stay focused on your priorities — especially the welfare of your children. Your mediator will help you both approach your process with as much positivity and grace as possible.

Want to know more about how to divorce amicably? Aurit Center Certified Mediators offer mediation services to help you and your spouse get on the same page. Schedule your free consultation with The Aurit Center today.

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