What to Expect at Your First Arizona Mediation Meeting

Starting the divorce process can feel incredibly daunting, filled with uncertainty about what lies ahead. If you’ve chosen divorce mediation, you’ve selected a path designed to be more collaborative and less stressful. However, it’s completely normal to feel anxious about your first mediation meeting. What will happen? What should you bring? How will it feel?

This guide is designed to walk you through what to expect, and what your first divorce mediation meeting in Arizona offers, from essential preparation to the moment you conclude your initial meeting. Understanding the process can significantly alleviate anxiety and help you approach your first meeting with confidence, setting a constructive tone for your entire mediation journey.

Before You Arrive: Essential Preparation for Your Initial Meeting

The first meeting can set the stage for a more efficient and productive mediation process. Taking the time to gather information and reflect on your goals is key to prepare for mediation in Arizona.

Gather Key Documents & Financial Information

Financial disclosure is fundamental to reaching fair agreements, and required for all divorces in Arizona. For your initial mediation meeting, it’s highly recommended to the following information available:

• Recent Pay Stubs: For both spouses (if available).
• Tax Returns: Copies for the past 2-3 years.
• Bank Statements: For all checking, savings, and joint accounts.
• Retirement Account Statements: 401(k)s, IRAs, pensions, etc.
• Investment Portfolios: Brokerage accounts, stocks, bonds.
• Deeds and Titles: For real estate, vehicles, and other major assets.
• List of Major Assets and Debts: Include mortgages, credit card balances, personal loans, and any other liabilities.

Your mediator will share a document, your Mediation Questionnaire, to help to gather this information in a simple way. This information ensures you both have a shared understanding of the financial landscape.

Identify Your Goals & Priorities

Before sitting down with your spouse and the mediator, take time to reflect on what truly matters to you.

• Desired Outcomes: What are your ideal outcomes for child custody (legal decision-making and parenting time), child support, spousal maintenance, and the division of property and debts?
• “Needs” vs. “Wants”: Differentiate between your core “needs” (which are typically non-negotiable for your well-being or your children’s) and your “wants” (areas where you might be willing to compromise). This clarity will empower you during negotiations.

Emotional Preparedness & Mindset

Your mindset plays a huge role in the success of mediation.

• Open Mind & Willingness to Compromise: While you have goals, mediation is about finding solutions that work for both parties. Be ready to explore creative options and make reasonable concessions.
• Strategies for Managing Emotions: Divorce is emotional. Practice deep breathing, focus on your ultimate goals (a peaceful resolution), and know that you can ask for short breaks if emotions run high. Remember, the goal is resolution, not “winning” a fight.

Entering the Meeting: Setting the Stage

The mediator will warmly welcome you and your spouse. They will typically begin with a brief summary of the meeting, ensuring everyone feels as comfortable as possible and ready to proceed.

The Mediator’s Opening Statement & Role

This is a crucial part of the first mediation meeting. The mediator will explain:

• The Mediation Process: A clear overview of how mediation works, including its voluntary nature and problem-solving focus.
• Their Neutral Role: They will reiterate that they are a neutral facilitator, not a judge who will make decisions, nor an advocate for either party.
• Ground Rules: They will outline essential ground rules for respectful communication, such as avoiding interruptions, focusing on the issues at hand (not blame), and treating each other with dignity.
• Confidentiality: The mediator will explicitly clarify the confidentiality of discussions within mediation. Under A.R.S. § 12-2238, anything said or done during mediation meetings is generally protected and cannot be used as evidence in court at a later time. This protection encourages open and honest dialogue.
• Commitment to Good Faith: They will confirm that both parties are committed to participating in good faith, meaning they are genuinely willing to try and reach an agreement.

Signing the Agreement to Mediate

Before your first mediation meeting, both parties will sign a formal Agreement to Mediate. This document outlines the terms of the mediation process itself, including confidentiality rules, fees, and the mediator’s role. It formalizes your agreement to participate in the process.

The Heart of the First Meeting: Initial Discussions

This is where the conversations about your divorce issues begin.

Often each spouse will briefly share their perspective on the situation and what they hope to achieve through mediation. It is not an opportunity to blame or accuse, but rather to clearly articulate your desired outcomes and help the mediator understand your priorities.

Identifying Key Issues & Agenda Setting

The mediator will then work collaboratively with both parties to identify all the specific issues that need to be addressed and resolved. This creates the agenda for your current and future mediation meetings. Issues commonly include:

• Child custody (legal decision-making, parenting time, holiday schedules)
• Child support calculations
• Spousal maintenance (alimony)
• Division of marital property and debts
• Other financial matters (e.g., taxes, insurance)

Preliminary Information Exchange

Depending on how much documentation you’ve gathered beforehand, there may be an initial review of key financial documents or background information. This helps ensure that everyone has a shared, factual understanding of the assets, debts, and income involved. If more information is needed, the mediator will help create a list of follow-up tasks.

Exploring Interests (Beyond Positions)

Your expert mediator will guide discussions beyond rigid “positions” (“I want the house”) to the underlying “needs” and “interests” (“I need stable housing for the kids” or “I need financial security”). Understanding these deeper motivations often unlocks creative solutions that satisfy both parties’ needs more effectively.

Navigating Emotions in the First Meeting

It’s completely normal for emotions to run high during divorce discussions, especially in your first meeting. Your mediator is trained to manage conflict and keep discussions productive. They can:

• Manage Conflict: Help de-escalate arguments and ensure respectful communication.
• Facilitate Communication: Help you both feel heard and understood.
• Briefly Caucus: If emotions become too intense or sensitive information needs to be discussed privately, the mediator may suggest meeting with each spouse individually in separate “caucus” sessions. 

Concluding the First Meeting & Next Steps

Your first mediation meeting is typically about laying the groundwork, building rapport, and outlining the path ahead. It’s rare for all issues to be fully resolved in this meeting.

• Summary of Progress: The mediator will summarize the key points discussed, any areas of initial agreement, and the issues that still need to be resolved.
• Identifying Follow-Up Tasks: You’ll likely leave with a list of documents still needed or information to research before the next meeting.
• Scheduling Future Meetings: The mediator will work with you to schedule a subsequent meeting(s) based on the complexity of your remaining issues and your availability.
• Setting Expectations: The mediator will reassure you that you can reach all agreements in mediation.

The Value of Your First Mediation Meeting

Your initial mediation meeting is more than just a meeting; it’s a critical step that:

• Establishes the cooperative and respectful tone for the entire divorce process.
• Demonstrates the collaborative nature of mediation, putting you in control.
• Begins the essential work of defining issues, gathering information, and setting goals.

It’s the beginning of a guided path toward a more peaceful and personalized divorce resolution in Arizona.

Frequently Asked Questions About Initial Mediation in Arizona

Q: How long does a first mediation meeting usually last? 

A: At Aurit Mediation, meetings are 2-hours long. Most people complete their process in just two to four meetings. 

Q: Should my attorney attend the first mediation session with me? 

A: That’s a personal choice. Attorneys can attend mediation meetings, but they are not required. Many clients prefer to attend their meetings alone and have their attorney review agreements later. Attorneys can attend if both parties agree. 

Q: What if my spouse and I are very angry with each other? Can we still mediate? 

A: Absolutely! Skilled mediators are trained to manage high emotions and conflict. They create a structured environment to facilitate communication, even when relationships are strained.

Q: Do I have to agree to anything in the first meeting?

A: No agreements made in mediation are binding until they are formally written, signed by both parties, and approved by a judge. The first meeting is primarily for information gathering and setting the stage for building the best possible agreements in later meetings.

Q: What’s the most important thing to bring to my first meeting?

A: Beyond documents, bringing an open mind and a willingness to communicate respectfully are arguably the most important things you can bring.